How to Forgive and Why YOU Deserve It
written by my GodSister Cynthia Drawbond and me.
Genuine Forgiveness
Do you have an emotional wound that has never healed? Maybe someone wronged you or a loved one years ago, and the injury remains. From time to time, similar situations bring the painful emotions right back to the surface. Close friends and family members may have lost patience with your inability to move on. You, too, wonder how much longer the suffering will last. My friend, freedom from hurt and anger comes only through complete forgiveness. But perhaps you have resisted taking that action because of some common misunderstandings about what forgiveness means.
Clearing Up Some Confusion
One of the stumbling blocks to actually forgiving others is the wrong information that has entered our theology. The first concept we need to clear up is this: Is justifying, understanding, or explaining away someone’s behavior the same as forgiving him? Perhaps you can understand that your “brother” was under a lot of stress when he raised his voice to you in front of customers, but is that the same as forgiving him? Certainly not.
Another mistaken idea is that time heals all wounds. This is one of the most misused and damaging clichés I’ve heard. How could the passage of time or the process of forgetting lead to forgiveness? If it were the healing factor, those who endured hurt as children would no longer suffer as the decades passed. Yet we know that many adults still struggle with emotional scars received during childhood.
~Cynthia Drawbond, Fitness Trainer & BeachBody Coach
So true, my sister Cynthia! Thank you for this reminder. Some of us struggle with forgiveness and we wonder...
WHY on earth should I forgive that monster/jerk/abuser/jezebel/thief...???
We must also realize that we forgive NOT for the person who we are forgiving but for OURSELVES. Holding on to the anger, hurt, bitterness only keeps US from moving forward. And we all deserve to be happy and free. But HOW do we forgive someone who wronged us or hurt us deeply? It is not mentally easy but ...
1. You just do it. Write it then read it aloud: "I acknowledge that <person's name> did some thing(s) to me that hurt me deeply. Right now I choose to forgive him/her/them and to release them to God/Spirit/Source. <Person's name again>, I love myself too much to hold onto that hurt anymore. I forgive you. I send you love and peace. (Repeat what you have written until it feels like the truth!! It might take a few days, weeks, months of going back to it and re-reading it aloud.) Breathe into your heart and allow yourself to feel and allow any emotions that come up. Breathe deeply and stand with your feet on the ground and your hand on your heart as you do this.
2. Next, you create another story in your mind of how you wish things had gone and every time the memory comes up, you replace it with your new creation of how it went -- the version of the story where you come out happy. The old story still exists somewhere but at least you can stop re-traumatizing yourself by repeating it over and over in your mind.
I love you Cynthia! And I love you (yes YOU, reading this!) and all of my Earth Family and hope this inspires you to forgive so you can THRIVE!
If you need some help wrapping your mind around how to accomplish forgiveness, both Cynthia and I are available to help you with private coaching.
~Shaun
Genuine Forgiveness
Do you have an emotional wound that has never healed? Maybe someone wronged you or a loved one years ago, and the injury remains. From time to time, similar situations bring the painful emotions right back to the surface. Close friends and family members may have lost patience with your inability to move on. You, too, wonder how much longer the suffering will last. My friend, freedom from hurt and anger comes only through complete forgiveness. But perhaps you have resisted taking that action because of some common misunderstandings about what forgiveness means.
Clearing Up Some Confusion
One of the stumbling blocks to actually forgiving others is the wrong information that has entered our theology. The first concept we need to clear up is this: Is justifying, understanding, or explaining away someone’s behavior the same as forgiving him? Perhaps you can understand that your “brother” was under a lot of stress when he raised his voice to you in front of customers, but is that the same as forgiving him? Certainly not.
Another mistaken idea is that time heals all wounds. This is one of the most misused and damaging clichés I’ve heard. How could the passage of time or the process of forgetting lead to forgiveness? If it were the healing factor, those who endured hurt as children would no longer suffer as the decades passed. Yet we know that many adults still struggle with emotional scars received during childhood.
~Cynthia Drawbond, Fitness Trainer & BeachBody Coach
So true, my sister Cynthia! Thank you for this reminder. Some of us struggle with forgiveness and we wonder...
WHY on earth should I forgive that monster/jerk/abuser/jezebel/thief...???
We must also realize that we forgive NOT for the person who we are forgiving but for OURSELVES. Holding on to the anger, hurt, bitterness only keeps US from moving forward. And we all deserve to be happy and free. But HOW do we forgive someone who wronged us or hurt us deeply? It is not mentally easy but ...
1. You just do it. Write it then read it aloud: "I acknowledge that <person's name> did some thing(s) to me that hurt me deeply. Right now I choose to forgive him/her/them and to release them to God/Spirit/Source. <Person's name again>, I love myself too much to hold onto that hurt anymore. I forgive you. I send you love and peace. (Repeat what you have written until it feels like the truth!! It might take a few days, weeks, months of going back to it and re-reading it aloud.) Breathe into your heart and allow yourself to feel and allow any emotions that come up. Breathe deeply and stand with your feet on the ground and your hand on your heart as you do this.
2. Next, you create another story in your mind of how you wish things had gone and every time the memory comes up, you replace it with your new creation of how it went -- the version of the story where you come out happy. The old story still exists somewhere but at least you can stop re-traumatizing yourself by repeating it over and over in your mind.
I love you Cynthia! And I love you (yes YOU, reading this!) and all of my Earth Family and hope this inspires you to forgive so you can THRIVE!
If you need some help wrapping your mind around how to accomplish forgiveness, both Cynthia and I are available to help you with private coaching.
~Shaun
