How do I break the connection to "that person"?

(archived from October 22, 2010)


A question was just posed and I thought I'd share the answer for anyone who may be dealing with something similar.

This question came from a consciously evolved, happily married woman who wanted to know how she could sever her mental and spiritual connection with her ex so that she could direct more of her love and energy to her husband. She was still having dreams and thoughts of her ex and was still aware of him whenever he experienced strong feelings.

The information given to me to share with her has three parts. These tools can be applied to anyone trying to release or resolve a connection to any other person for any reason, be they an ex, a boss, a deceased relative or whomever.

Step 1. Forgiveness: If there are any regrets or negative feelings about the person or the relationship, let them go. Any unforgiveness or guilt keeps the connection open. When we think of something like what we could have done to try to make a relationship better or things that we didn't like, we are reaffirming that relationship to The Universe and strengthening the connection with that person, creating a stronger link with them in the cosmic plasma that joins us all. If you find it difficult to forgive, simply set the intention to forgive that person, be patient in the knowledge that the forgiveness will come with time and move on to step 2.

Step 2. Reprogramming: Consciously release and replace memories of the person. When you think of the person you want to forget, replace the memory or thought with new thoughts of love toward your current partner or loved ones. This takes some practice, but the more you do it, the less you will have thoughts about what you don't want and what you didn't do and the more you will have thoughts that help you to find more joy in your current situation. Soon, your default thoughts will be about what you want more of in your life rather than... hey, what was that I used to think about all the time?

Step 3. Gratitude: Realize that the person you are trying to forget helped to make you who you are. Regardless of whether his or her intentions were good, or whether he or she did right by you, the things you learned about yourself through that relationship have brought you to where you are today. You grew because of that person, you discovered your strength because of that person, and more. So if you do allow every 10th or 20th thought into your mind about him or her, let it transition to a thought of gratitude for having allowed yourself the opportunity to learn and grow through the experience with them. And offer gratitude to that person for their contribution to your journey. If you find this difficult to do, please see Step 1 again.

In closing, I have to say that you will probably never be completely separated from the person. You will likely have random thoughts of them for the remainder of your life because interaction with them helped to make you who you are. However, the use of these tools will help you to have those thoughts more infrequently and allow you to more effectively direct your energies toward the loving beings in your current sphere.

Love and Light to You All,

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