A note about control and timeliness...

(archived from September 16, 2009)


For most of my life, I had jobs and schedules that required me to be on time. Other people depended on me and if I was late, I would face being fired and/or my employers and clients would lose lots of money. I would lose everything I had worked for including my reputation, sustenance and material possessions. 

My daily schedule with my most recent salaried position was: 

6:30-7:00am Wake up & rush through meditation
7:00-7:30am Get ready to go 
7:30-8:00am Leave for work 

8:00am-6:45pm

  • Sit down at my desk, update my voice mail greeting, listen to messages
  • Return phone calls and e-mails and faxes about current business. 
  • Call and receive calls to/from potential new customers
  • Follow up with existing customers
  • Mail out documents to new and existing customers
  • Process documents and information received from or regarding customers
  • Eat lunch and/or snacks at my desk throughout the day. (Occasionally, I would leave the office for a lunch break just to step away from it all. Since I brought my lunch, I would sit in my car and eat or run an errand while eating.) 

6:45pm-7:30pm Rush to finish work to go exercise
7:30pm-9:00pm Yoga class 
9:20pm-10:00pm Arrive home, shower and put out clothes for the next day 
10:00pm-11:00pm Make my lunch for the next day then make a list of everything to follow up on the next day while eating dinner 
11:00pm Fall asleep 

When my place of employment closed in September of 2007, I had done everything right. I had been on time, I had worked hard. But I still had lost everything I had been miserably working and rushing for years to maintain. 

I suddenly had more free time. But I still felt rushed and as if there was not enough time in my day. I began volunteering and working a part-time job but my life still felt very stressful and hurried. I decided that I needed to de-stress my life. So I began to look at all the things that were stressing me out. I realized that I would find myself rushing to fit things into my schedule. I was stressed out if I hit bad traffic on the way to my volunteer position. I was stressed out if I didn’t wake up early enough to go the Farmer’s Market by the time they opened at 7:30 so I would have time to come home and have breakfast and make my lunch before going to my part-time job as a contract employee (My boss and I only get paid from my work on a commission basis). I am not paid if I am not there, but I am also not an hourly or salaried employee. This means that my boss and I are both happy to see me at work. I had several months of stressful mornings of rushing to get everything done in time to go to work. Several times I arrived before the building was even open and had to wait after cutting my breakfast or sleep time short to arrive so early. I would get inside, get ready for work and wait, hoping a client would show up for me. All that stress, all that rushing, just to wait. 

One morning, I overslept. I woke up about an hour later than usual. I felt major stress as soon as I realized how late it was and I started to skip my morning rituals and just rush to work. Then, I heard a voice saying, "STOP... breathe..."

I started to rush again and then I actually wondered what would happen if I just accepted the lateness and took my time. I called work to say I would be 15 minutes late and then took my time getting ready to go. As I arrived to work only 7 minutes late, my client was just exiting his car and lingered in the parking lot as I went to the door. I had missed nothing. 
From that day, I realized that whatever is meant for me is what I will get. I realized that in my life, it is now more important for me to enjoy my journey, to do the things that make me feel good, like getting 15 extra minutes of rest, or taking my time for a leisurely meditation or a pre-work walk on the beach than to rush to be somewhere. I realized that all the things I allowed to stress me out had very small (if any) consequences if they did not go as I so stressfully planned and coordinated them.


In the weeks that followed, I still planned my mornings so that I was likely to be on time to work but I also did not stress if something did not go as planned or if I did not leave as early as I had expected. I had a whole series of events where, after a leisurely morning and arriving (usually) before or (occasionally) after my designated arrival time, clients would come in just before me. When I was always rushing to work, that never happened. I was always rushing to hurry up and wait. I realized that I was so busy trying to control and plan everything that I was actually only getting in the way of what The Universe was trying to give to me.


I made little experiments of noticing when unexpected delays made me uneasy and then allowing them, moving out of the way. I realized that when I went with the flow of whatever came my way, wonderful surprises and blissful harmony filled my day. I also noticed that whenever I slipped back into the habits that served me for the last 15 years of rushing to plan and to do everything exactly as I thought I should, not only was I seriously stressed out, but lots more went wrong during my day! I realized that as soon as I began to feel rushed, I would get flustered and make silly mistakes that made me even more late, like missing a parking space or taking the wrong exit on the highway. I realized that as long as I accepted whatever happened and tried to relax into the flow, everything became magical and I still usually arrived by my planned time but even when I was late, I arrived in the perfect time for whatever The Universe had for me on that day. 

Now, when I realize that I am feeling stressed about doing something or not doing something or getting somewhere or leaving somewhere at a certain time, I obey the voice. I stop. I breathe. pause to ask myself, “what will happen if I fail to do this?” or “what will happen if I arrive late?”. And if no one is scheduled to die and I will not lose money and no one will be hurt or injured if I fail, then I give myself (and The Universe) the space to create whatever will suit my greater good and the greater good of everyone connected to me in that moment. 

Since making that decision, I have found much more inner peace and joy in my daily life. If I seem to be running late, I just relax and ask myself, “what is the worst thing that could happen if I am five minutes late?” If the answer comes back without anyone getting injured or dying or me losing any money or friends, I allow the space for The Universe to co-create the perfect outcome for me. And I usually arrive on time anyway but even when I don’t, that peace inside feels much better than always being on time but feeling like a constant ball of stress and missing all the little joys along the way. Whenever I hear that little whisper now, even if I am just enjoying a walk on the beach, I slow down, I sometimes even stop right where I am and take in the moment and offer gratitude for realizing that there is more than enough time for me to receive everything The Universe has to give me. 



~Shaun

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